Another circle, another fan

This time in my aunt’s house, in Chennai.  Can time be measured in circling ceiling fans, beating back the heat?  In the afternoons, perhaps, but mornings, papers rustle, the breeze cool.  It’s been almost ten years since I’ve been here last.  The family has gotten smaller, and grief leaks.  My father; my uncle.  Meals are served, the rustling papers read.  Outrage over the news.  Could not a million be spent than in the personal acquisition of Princess Diana’s private letters?  Imagine if that money was given to produce a play based on the letters instead.  The best line I’ve recently read is in Interred with Their Bones, a novel by Jennifer Lee Carrell:  “If you must choose a church, go to the theater.”

Yes, in India, musing about the royals, reading about Shakespeare, under a circling ceiling fan.  Outside, the air is thick with the noise of traffic, worship, capitalism. The indifferent cows only come out at night.

Circling ceiling fans

Indira Ganesan, NJ fan, 2017

I am in NJ, under a slow ceiling fan, having celebrated the 85th birthday of my brother’s father-in-law.  The two mother-in-laws are chatting about the overuse of cellphones; my niece is reading; and in another room my sister-in-law is teaching her father how to use free weights. I think my brother is with them. Traffic lulls by.  It is summer. It is sultry without the wind.  We are older than we think, yet the pulse beats. Outside on the terrace, the tomatoes grow incrementally bigger.

Thirteen Ways on Looking at A Returned Story. 

Indira Ganesan, Moon on Ptown, 2017

 

1. Make kombucha for the first time.  It will become an obsession , which you need because of this return.

2. Buy rose petals from a spice shop,  just in case you need them one day. The return is now colored pink.

3. Add rose petals to the  kombucha, which returns your attention with fizz.

4. Get a pedicure with bright nail polish.  It is another gift to yourself, a return to counter defeat.

5. Do not compare yourself  to other people because your story was returned; you can still pun.

6.  Do not wonder if it was returned because you are fat.

7. Remember that Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream has less cholesterol than Talenti cookie crumble, if the return makes you seek solace in a fleeting thing.

8. Remind yourself  how often other writers get stories returned, even if they are no one you know, and thousands of stories get published every year, only not yours.

9. Try not to wear black all the time, though it is slimming.  You don’t live in NY, and you are not published.

10. Do not decide  your story was returned because you do not live in NY, and by NY  you mean the city, and possibly Brooklyn.

11. Yes, though your story was returned, it is too late to apply to law school.

12.  Think about Wallace Stevens in the face of your returned story, and his notion of the yes that follows the no.

13. Go ahead, and do the next thing.  Your story  was sadly, dispiritingly, forlornly, most likely reluctantly, returned, and everyone will cope.

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